Social Media

I love social media.
I have a very big interest in it. I have always wanted to work with social media. Blogging, vlogging, Instagramming, or whatever. I’ve always enjoyed writing, expressing my emotion in writing has always been some kind of therapy for me. I used to keep a diary, now this blog is what I use.

I also love making videos, editing is my favorite thing, is also like some calming therapy. Watching something I”m proud of, after spending so much time and energy on it.

and taking pictures, I love the feeling you get when you take a really good picture, you just keep staring at it. I love going around trying to find the perfect angle and lighting to a picture.

I love sharing my stuff, I love putting things out there that I’m proud of.

But I’m too scared to take it seriously. If I ever wanna actually do this, I have to man up. But I don’t think I’m able to, and that’s why I hate myself, I can never take anything seriously enough.

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Romance

I have a boyfriend.
If you told me 6 months ago that I would have a boyfriend now, my mind would have exploded. I’ve never been good at that kinda stuff, it just doesn’t come naturally to me.

But now I have in and it’s amazing, he’s amazing, sweet and smart.
But I’m in doubt, I don’t exactly know why I’m in doubt but I am. I do have this theory that since I’m not used to stuff like this, I’m chickening out, and it would make a lot of sense.
But it is still weird that when I’m not with him, I miss him, but I also keep thinking, do I really like him, but as soon as I’m with him, I can’t keep my hands of him.

I can’t really think of me having sex with him, but I really want to have sex with.
And that pattern keeps repeating, I can’t figure it out. I don’t know what I want.

I’m trying so hard to make up my mind.

 

Story time: Made out with my tutor

So… It’s been a while since I updated my blog, and oh boy I have been busy.

First of all, I started school. And oh boy it’s been a ride. So many new people, and so many emotions at once. I won’t get too much into all that, but overall it’s been great. I already love the people around me, and I know it’s gonna be 3 great years. But as it is right now, I don’t wanna show up tomorrow.

It all started with what I expected to be one of the greatest parties ever. It’s a yearly party where everyone at the schools in my area, show up at a park and we draw on all the new people that started this semester. It is always the greatest party of the year. And it was a great night indeed.
A few people and I from my class meet a little before the party starts. All the way over there, we have so much fun, we drink, talk and meet a lot of new people in the train. When we get there everyone is hyped, all of my tutors are hyped to see me, which of course made my happy. We had a lot of fun and I got so drunk. I talked a lot with one of my tutors, I’m not gonna mention his name since this is an anonymous blog, but we had a lot of fun.
And of course, the idiot I am, I ended up making out with this guy. It didn’t last a long time since I had to help friend home. But after I left he texted me that he was sad that I left and all, which made everything way more awkward, because now there’s actual proof that we had too much fun that night.

He is actually a really cute and nice guy, but I don’t really know him very well, and I’m a little younger than him, so I don’t know what to think.

If anything else happens, I sure will update you.

 

Cancer

My mom got cancer.

It’s nothing like you imagine really. It really isn’t.
I feel like everyone has this crazy idea of how you would react if it was you in this situation. But you really don’t, because it is nothing like you could imagine. When you first hear it, it doesn’t seem real, but you still wanna cry your eyes out.

After that comes the silence. You’ve had a long conversation with your whole family, you’ve probably cried. And now is the first time you’re alone after the news. That period lasted a long time for me. I just kinda sat my room and stared into nothing. I think i just sat there for around 4 hours.

Then comes the time, where you wanna tell your friends, but you can’t. You can’t because you don’t know what you would expect them to answer. You don’t even know what you want them to say because nothing will help. You don’t even know how to say it.
“Hey, my mom has cancer, how is your summer?” nothing seems right.

And the longer times passes, the more it hits you, the sadder you get.

The first time it really hits you, is when you’re at the hospital. That’s where it hits you real hard. It only goes down hill from there. No sleep at night, you can’t concentrate on anything, you have no motivation to do anything, and you feel guilty every time you leave the house because” you are leaving your sick mom at home to be with your friends”, even though you haven’t left the house in a month.

That’s where I am now. I don’t sleep, I don’t leave the house and I have no motivation.

But does it get better?

I don’t know. But tomorrow it’s my mom’s big operation, and maybe it gets better after that? I don’t know.

lonely loser?

So… there’s a lot of things I never talk about. Honestly I never really blog anymore. But when I do, It’s never about me. It’s about my current life perspective. And I feel like for once being honest.

I have this blog for no reason what so ever. I have 0 followers and 0 readers on every post. This is like a diary to me. This blog is anonymous, I never tell anyone about it.  Once I talked with my psychiatrist, and she told me that many of her patients have had a lot of success when they started to keep a blog. I can’t even recall the reason, I just thought I would try it. And even though I never really use it, it is really helping.  I can’t explain it, it’s just nice to know that literally, anyone can read this, but no one has to.

I could imagine, that if anyone ever run into this blog one day. And see all of my posts, with 0 reads or likes. They must think I’m a lonely loser. I would too probably, this blog is purely for myself, and no one else.

 

London Bridge

Ah yes, yet another incident where most people freak and some get angry for people only caring about because it’s all over the media.

This time I Felt it too. Reading a headline and feeling your heart drop.

It was only about 20 minutes ago I got a snapchat from my best and most beloved friend Emmely, who was standing on The London Bridge. And then reading the headline “attack on London bridge, at leats 20 hurt” Was the worst possible thing I could imagine.

She I luckily okay, but that could have been her, I could have lost her today. And I’m Not okay with that.

Perhaps people freak out about these situations, because they hit a little too close to home, compared to all the other incidents that happen every day and we all know about, but doesn’t get covered as much in the media.

I know for a fact, that I learned a new perspective on this situation today, and I didn’t like it.

I don’t know many facts about the case itself yet, so perhaps i will make another blog on it another day.

Toxic vegans

Okay, so people who go vegan or just vegetarian has all my respect. caring so much for a course, that you literally change your whole life after it, is amazing. I have respect for all vegans, even the ones who are toxic.

I feel everyone out there, has by now met, a toxic vegan. but if you haven’t, let me explain what it is like.

It is basically like this:
Imagine walking around your day, just doing what you would normally do. But the suddenly out of nowhere, you get attacked by a person (you can sometimes recognise them on their amAZING bodies)  who express every opinion they have ever had for you, and shit on you for not agreeing.

I’m not saying that they are wrong and that all vegans are annoying, but there is just some who needs to take a chill-pill.

It sounds very wrong to talk shit about vegans because they really do want good in the world. But it is in fact not the whole idea of being vegan I’m shitting on, I’m shitting on the people that care so much about their course, that they forget to have respect for other people.

I’m sick and tired of getting yelled at, because I do something, that I want to do. Yes, I know eating meat is “Supporting” a “bad” course, but you know what? The world sucks sometimes, animals eat other animals. And that is humans including.

I’m also sick and tired of Vegans catchphrase “Meat is bad for you,” because that is fucking bullshit. Humans and pre-humans is omnivores which mean that we function best if we eat both meat and plants.
Being an omnivore is not an uncommon thing, there are lots of animals that is an omnivore. Bears, for example, they both honey, nuts or berries, but they also eat, bees, insects or fish. And they function best if they get both things.

So in conclusion. There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, just respect that other people don’t have to agree, and that doesn’t make them bad persons.
And also meat is not bad for people, but you can live without it if you want.

Sorry if I offended anyone, that is in no way my attention.

A late but relevant look on the Ariana scandal in Manchester

The whole Ariana Grande scandal was in every way terrible. Matching a lot of other events happening at the moment. And I really respect the way Ariana has treated the whole situation.

I have over the last couple of weeks read tonnes of opinions not only on the whole situation but also on how people react to the whole situation. One of the opinions that truly got to me, was the idea that, yes the whole situation is very tragic, but there are happening things like this every day, and people only care because it’s all over the media. I kinda agree with this, and kinda not. Because yes, this is all over the media, and that is why people care about it. But I feel like if we did more talking about the things that are happening every day, people would probably care about that too.

Most people don’t react like this to these situations because the wanna look good, most people actually do it because they are in fact scared, and perhaps even sad. Because when things like this happen, it is very easy to get scared. I remember the first time I heard of a terror attack I was scared for weeks, barely wanted to leave the house.

So in conclusion: It’s okay to be scared and react they way you do. But perhaps not say stuff like “I can’t believe something like this could happen.” Because it does every single day, and we all need to talk more about that. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting there is a problem.